What Does It Take to Rest Without Guilt?

Your nervous system isn’t lazy—it’s just never felt safe enough to slow down.

Are you ready to finally rest without guilt?
Like, actually rest—not scroll, not plan your next five goals in the bath, not map out your next international trip—but soften, breathe, and feel safe doing nothing?

You may have already tried the self-care checklists, the soothing Pinterest boards, and more than a few anxiety “hacks”… but I hope to offer a fresh perspective on what it really takes to create emotional safety around rest.

Many people believe rest is only earned—after finishing a to-do list, after proving you’ve been “productive enough,” after hitting some invisible threshold of worth.

But that belief might be the very thing holding you back.

If you’re struggling with feeling guilty when you’re not doing something useful, or you lie down and your brain screams “waste of time!”—this post is for you.

Ready to dive into the nervous system truths no one taught you about rest?

✨ Always Remember to Question the Rules You Were Given

If you’ve been lying in bed thinking:

• “Why can’t I relax like other people?”

• “Why do I feel like I have to earn stillness?”

• “Why do I only rest when I’m too burned out to move?”

…you’re not broken. But you may want to challenge the underlying belief driving that guilt.

Ask yourself:
“Who told me that rest has to be earned?”
“Who benefits from me pushing through, ignoring what my body needs?”

Because I promise—it’s not your future self. It’s not your inner child. And it’s definitely not your nervous system.

The big question I ask all my clients in the therapy room is:

“How does pushing, hustling, and non stop productivity benefit you?”

And before you give me the Sunday School answer - “it doesn’t!” - keep in mind that your body is extremely smart. It has only one goal - to stay alive. Which means if grinding 24/7 didn’t help you feel safe or stay alive… you wouldn’t do it.

So. …how does that serve you? 

Once you identify that, you unlock some real magic - how to give yourself what works, in a much more sustainable routine.

👀 Want more on this? Read: What Is Emotional Safety and Why It Matters More Than Self-Discipline

🧵 My Routine for Resting (Without Performing It)

I haven’t perfected guilt-free rest. (That’s kind of the point, right?)
But I’ve created a routine that allows me to practice it—and practicing is enough.

Morning:
I have my Downtime set on my phone from 7p-8a, so I can’t check socials or email first thing. I make a cup of coffee and really soak in that first sip. Temperature of the mug, steam in my glasses, sweet-acid balance on my tongue. It reminds my body that safety can start the day.

Afternoon:
I took ‘rest while the baby rests’ seriously. And even now that he’s three, I’m still taking it seriously. I use his nap time to move my body, knit a few rows, and make a second (or third) cup of coffee. I usually add in a sweet treat. The goal isn’t to relax perfectly, it’s to let my system settle without forcing it.

Evening:
I do something repetitive and imperfect. Most often? I work on whatever knitting project calls to me. Even if it’s a new cast on while I have six other projects waiting to be chosen. It’s not always productive. But they’re healing. My hands remember softness, and eventually, my mind follows.

If your current rest routine feels like another to-do list? Change it. Ditch it. Burn it.

Whatever works for you is what will work best for healing.

💡 Some Advice from Lindsay Mack

I’m always learning from folks who talk about healing with nuance and soul.
One of my favorites is intuitive tarot teacher Lindsay Mack. She once said:

“Rest is the medicine that allows us to hear ourselves again.”

That stuck with me.
Because resting isn’t just about “not doing.”
It’s about remembering the language of your body, your spirit, your inner knowing.

More of her wisdom? Over here: lindsaymack.com 

Never let someone who thrives in urgency be your rest coach.
Even if they love you (hi, mom), advice like “just go lie down” or “take a breath!” won’t land if your nervous system is still in survival mode. Or a survival mode that they taught you….

Instead, look for voices who understand that stillness takes practice, not perfection.

🧠 You Need Nervous System Safety (Not More Willpower)

Just because you currently can’t rest without guilt doesn’t mean you’re not capable of healing.
It just means your body hasn’t been shown how.

To feel safe doing nothing, you have to build new rhythms of regulation—and that is a process of learning. That requires softness and understanding, not shouting and shame. 

Let’s be specific. Here’s how you can start to build that emotional safety:

Step 1: Use rhythm to anchor your body

Even five minutes of a repetitive task—like knitting, rocking, hand tracing, even walking—can downshift your nervous system.

Step 2: Reframe your “unproductive” moments

Every time you feel guilty for resting, try saying:

If your Logic Brain needs further convincing, consider the parable of the two lumberjacks. 

Two lumber jacks went out in the forest to chop down their trees. Our hero was very hardworking, industrious, and never rested. He pushed through fatigue and hunger to get the job done, every single day. 

He watched the other lumber jack take a lunch break every day. Sucker, he thought watching him walk out of the forest.. Must be nice, he thought when he returned to work. 

As lazy, selfish, and self indulgent the other lumberjack clearly was, our hero couldn’t deny that at the end of every day, they chopped almost the same amount of trees. 

One day, our hardworking hero actually counted. Turns out, it wasn’t about the same number of trees between the two men. 

The slacker actually cut down more. 

Incredulous, he finally asked:

“You take a break a whole hour every day while I just keep plugging along. But you still chop more than I do. What’s your secret?” The slacker smiled. 

“While I eat lunch, I sharpen my ax.” 

The break isn’t slacking. It’s skillful. 

Step 3: Download my free guide, Stitch by Stitch

It’s full of soft, sensory-based practices that blend fiber arts with emotional healing.
You’ll get 5 science-backed reasons why knitting supports regulation, 3 cozy patterns to try, and a manifesto for Imperfect Making.

📥 Click here to download Stitch by Stitch
…because softness isn’t earned—it’s remembered.

🧶 Wrapping It Up!

You’re not lazy. You’re not undisciplined.
You’re just running a nervous system that’s still on high alert—and hasn’t yet been shown that rest is safe.

So what does it take to rest without guilt?

✨ A little rhythm.
✨ A lot of permission.
✨ And a nervous system that knows you’re not in danger anymore.

Did you try the reflection reframe or download Stitch by Stitch?
You’re already on your way to rewriting the rules of rest.

📥

Stitch by Stitch: The Gentle, Yarn-Based Rituals That Calm Your Nervous System
Learn how to rest without guilt, start creative healing rituals, and feel emotionally safe—one stitch at a time.

👉 Click here to download Stitch by Stitch now

Got questions? DM me on Instagram @thecozysyllabus or come look at the slightly crooked sweater I just finished—it’s perfect because it’s not perfect. 🧶💛