4 Beliefs About Productivity That Are Secretly Sabotaging Your Rest

(And how to start feeling safe being soft again—one gentle shift at a time.)

You know what?

There’s a lot of misinformation out there about what actually helps you feel calm, rested, or emotionally safe. Especially if you’ve been told your whole life that productivity is the highest virtue.

That’s why it’s so easy to feel defeated when you’re doing everything “right”—planning, optimizing, biohacking your sleep—and still feeling anxious, tired, and guilty anytime you slow down.

Before I discovered the power of rhythm and repetition (a soft structure rooted in nervous system regulation), I tried every “rest hack” I could find.

Expert #1 would say meditate. 

Expert #2 would say make a better schedule.

Expert #3 said I needed to “just do nothing,” but that made me want to crawl out of my skin.

Many people think rigid discipline is the best way to finally relax—like if you can just “finish everything,” you’ll earn peace.
Others believe that the solution is total unstructured rest, but it makes them feel guilty, disoriented, or even more overwhelmed.

Here’s the truth:

💡 Your nervous system doesn’t feel safe in chaos or control.
It feels safe in rhythm. In repetition. In gentle cues of “I’m okay here.”

You absolutely should not try to think your way into rest. You can’t fix overfunctioning with another mental checklist. If that worked, you would not be reading this right now. 

I kept trying to deserve rest—by being more efficient, disciplined, spiritual, even self-aware.
No matter what I did, I still couldn’t feel safe being imperfect.

Once I started integrating my training in somatic practices from RO-DBT, ACT, and Somatic Experiencing, I realized I didn’t need to earn rest—I needed to train my body to feel safe receiving it.
You can do this too.

Read on for 4 sneaky beliefs about productivity that might be secretly sabotaging your ability to rest—and how to start shifting them today.

🚫 Limiting Belief #1: “I should be doing something useful.”

This belief is sneaky because it sounds so reasonable. I mean, who doesn’t want to be useful?
But if you’ve ever taken a break only to be flooded with guilt… this is the one quietly running the show.

This mindset is why your nervous system is still on high alert at 10PM.
Why you can’t just watch a show without folding laundry or checking emails.

This belief is rooted in the idea that your worth is tied to your output.
And it's keeping you from feeling safe doing nothing.

✨ How to turn it into your superpower:

Let’s flip it.

What if usefulness isn’t about output—but about presence?

Ask yourself:

• What if rest is useful to my healing?

• What if softness is productive in ways I can’t quantify?

Start experimenting with non-productive rituals that still offer rhythm:

• Knit a swatch you’ll never use

• Light the same candle every night before bed

• Rock gently while listening to ambient sound

These aren’t tasks. They’re somatic cues.
They tell your body: “You are safe even when you’re still.”

📥 Download Stitch by Stitch — my free guide to soft, non-performative regulation through fiber arts and rhythm-based rituals.

🌀 Limiting Belief #2: “I’ll rest after I finish everything.”

Ah yes—the mirage of “done.”

Sound familiar?

“Once I finish this project, I’ll take a break.”
“After I reorganize the pantry and respond to all my DMs, I’ll finally relax.”

But there’s always something next. And so rest becomes a reward you never quite earn.

This is what Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT) calls “experiential avoidance”—trying to avoid discomfort (like stillness, guilt, or vulnerability) by doing more.

✨ How to turn it into your superpower:

In RO-DBT, we trasnform overcontrol with flexible responding—meaning, you get to challenge rigid rules like “I must finish everything before I rest.”

Try this:

• Interrupt yourself mid-task and take 3 breaths. That’s your “rest rep.”

• Set a timer for 7 minutes of unearned softness. That’s your “rest mobility.”

• Notice the discomfort—but stay. That’s the repatterning.

You don’t need everything done. You need a nervous system that believes it’s safe to pause.

❌ Limiting Belief #3: “If I’m not productive, I’m lazy.”

Oof. This one stings, doesn’t it?

It’s the old shame script disguised as “motivation.”
And it’s everywhere—in high-control religion, hustle culture, even gentle-sounding wellness advice.

But laziness? Isn’t a character flaw. It’s often just a nervous system that’s tired of being in survival mode.

✨ How to turn it into your superpower:

First, recognize this belief for what it is: internalized urgency.

Ask yourself:

• Who benefits from me believing this?

• What would I do differently if I believed rest was a right, not a reward?

Somatic Experiencing teaches us that repetition is one of the brain’s favorite tools for safety.
You can teach your body that stillness isn’t laziness—it’s re-regulation.

Try anchoring this in your body:

• Place one hand on your chest, one on your belly.

• Rock gently side to side for 60 seconds.

• Say aloud: “Doing less doesn’t make me less.”

• If you want some brownie points… turn the mantra into a song. Doesn’t have to be beautiful, but the act of singing also creates soothing vibrations in your body, cueing it to return to calm.

And if you need a cozy way to reinforce that message?
🧶 Download Stitch by Stitch — your intro to nervous system rituals that don’t require perfection.

⏳ Limiting Belief #4: “I don’t have time to rest.”

Let’s be honest—this one is often code for:

“I don’t know how to rest without guilt.”

Because if you really believed rest was essential… you’d find time for it.

But your body doesn’t believe rest is safe. So of course it deprioritizes it.

✨ How to turn it into your superpower:

You don’t need hours. You need rhythm.
And rhythm lives in repetition.

Try this soft structure:

• 2-minute reset: Before switching tasks, pause and touch something soft

• 5-minute grounding: Knit, rock, or repeat a motion before sleep

• 1 daily ritual: Tie one act of softness to something you already do (tea, brushing your teeth, waiting in line)

This builds nervous system trust.
Not because you scheduled it—but because your body remembers it.

🧠 Wrapping It Up: Turn Down the Pressure, Turn Up the Rhythm

The more we try to perform softness, the more we exhaust ourselves.

The path to rest isn’t another productivity system—it’s a rewiring.

One small, repeated act of non-performance.
One soft rhythm at a time.
One moment of letting your body belong to itself.

📥 Download Stitch by Stitch – your free starter guide for practicing emotional safety through cozy, imperfection-friendly rituals rooted in nervous system science.

🧶 You don’t need to do more to deserve rest.
You just need to feel safe enough to receive it.