How do I know if I'm ready for online therapy for adhd perfectionism?

Wondering if you’re ready for online therapy for ADHD, perfectionism, and anxiety? 

It’s a question I hear a lot. Especially if you’re thinking…

• I can still ‘keep it together’…ish

• I’m not falling apart, do I really ‘need’ therapy?

• Everything can be okay, it’s just sometimes feels too heavy

And honestly, if you've never experienced therapy or personal coaching before, leaping into online therapy can seem intimidating.

People wonder if they’re really “bad enough” to need personalized care, worry about how to find time for another commitment, and whether they can afford it. 

It’s completely understandable, too. No one wants to put all that effort in only to end up feeling more stuck and self conscious six weeks down the line. But don’t let that stop you! 

• Benefit #1, You reclaim energy from overthinking - You stop scripting every conversation, rehearsing small talk like it’s an amazing one act play you’re putting on. No need to analyze and dissect conversations from earlier in they day to figure out what they really meant. You get your brain space back. 

• Benefit #2 - You experience peace without productivity. There are items on your to do list not checked off, and yet your shoulders are relaxed. Your heart rate feels even. Saturdays can feel like Saturdays again. You don’t have to earn your softness. 

• Benefit #3, You feel close to people without overexplaining, overgiving, or overfunctioning. You show up in your friendships, marriage, and even parenting with your true heart. You don’t have to be curated, useful, agreeable, or perfectly put together. And it feels good. 

If you’ve been feeling like you’re ready for online therapy, then you’re probably getting close! 

To help you decide, today I’m sharing 5 ways to know if you’re ready for online therapy for perfectionism, ADHD, and anxiety. 

This way you can focus on healing your nervous system and enjoying a life you actually like - without everything falling apart or wasting hours pro/conning your next self growth step.  

(And if you’re not ready yet, you’ll know what you need to do!)

Let’s dig in.

5 Ways You Know You're Ready to Start Online Therapy for ADHD Perfectionism 

Only you can say for sure whether you’re ready for online therapy for ADHD perfectionism. Like I was saying above, if it’s been heavily on your mind lately, you’re probably in a good place to start researching your options, at the very least. You may even find that you're more prepared for it than your friends or spouse would even say.

To help you decide, here are a few tell-tale signs that show you're more than ready to start therapy.   

Readiness Sign #1: You’re exhausted by being “high functioning” all the time 

Has someone described you as ‘the ultimate team player’? How about ‘overachiever’? ‘Mom friend’, ‘Type A’, ‘always together’ ring any bells? 

You know you’re white knuckling it, but everyone sees how high functioning you are at work, home, and in relationships. People might never know that you have ADHD, anxiety, or struggle with feeling not good enough.

When I first started therapy, I didn’t feel like I was ‘bad enough’ off to even start. I shared this fear at the end of my first session with my therapist. She shared with me that every client she’s ever worked with feels this way. She specialized in perfectionists with disordered eating, and it never occurred to me that there were other people just like me. 

She shared that there are times when she has to hospitalize a patient for underfeeding, and they still insist that they aren’t sick enough to need high level care. 

That blew my mind - everyone who struggles with perfectionism believes you can never need outside help, just more internal discipline. 

Now after five years in eating disorder recovery, it’s easy for me to understand when I need help. I ask for others to pitch in, or just give me a hug when I’m struggling. I don’t have to beat myself up when life gets hard, and I need people on my team to back me up. It’s just part of being a person. 

If you don’t feel like your anxiety or perfectionism is ‘bad enough’, try asking if your life is good enough. You can even try writing out what a dream work day for you would be like - no beaches or Caribbean ocean, a dream-real-life-day where you still have to go to work and make lunch. Then compare to what your actual days feel like right now.

Always know that your life can be better, and you don’t need to wait for a ‘rock bottom moment’ to begin healing. 

Readiness Sign #2: You crave a place where you don’t have to perform 

You may not feel it now, but your intuition about starting online therapy for ADHD perfectionism will almost always steer you in the right direction. 

So if you think you’re ready for online therapy, but struggle with wanting to ‘have it together’, it can be hard to admit that you are feeling exhausted and messy inside. 

You’ve been wearing the performance mask of happy, organized, and generous so long it’s beginning to feel like you’re actual face. But just like sleeping with your make up on will cause breakouts, never taking the performance mask off causes all kinds of other problems. 

Online therapy is a place you don’t have to perform. We can appreciate the mask you’ve made and how it’s been helpful. We can also look at where it’s causing problems, and how you can heal. How you can get to the point where you can use the mask when you want, and take it off when you’re done.  

It might seem IMPOSSIBLE to separate you and the incredible performance you put on everyday. If that’s true, try this out:

Here are a few ways to push past it:

• First, picture what it would feel like to have one hour a week where you didn’t have to hold it all together.

• Next, imagine if your worst fear (you cry and can’t stop) actually happened—and your therapist simply sat with you.

• Finally, recall a moment where you admitted you weren’t okay—and it brought you closer to someone you trusted. Therapy can feel like that.

Now, opening up is terrifying work. It has been for me every time I’ve started with a new therapist - even after I became a therapist myself. But it is the only way you can consistently find meaning, feel safe, and find out it’s okay to be you.

In the words of Brene Brown, trust is like a marble jar. You give little pieces into the jar, and overtime it’s full of trust and memories. Therapy provides the ultimate jar, a sworn protector. A place to learn how to be yourself, trust other people, and trust you. 

For the full glory of the metaphor, please take 3 minutes, I promise you’ll thank me:

Readiness Sign #3: You’ve tried every productivity hack, and you’re still stuck 

You’ve got the planners. The color-coded Google Calendars. The Notion dashboard with tabs for your tabs. You’ve tried habit stacking, digital detoxes, and three different time-management systems. You know what to do—but somehow, you still can’t do it.

What no one tells you is that ADHD perfectionism doesn’t always look like chaos—it often looks like trying harder than everyone else and still feeling behind. You hyperfocus on building the perfect system, then ghost it the moment real life throws off your rhythm. And when that happens, the spiral kicks in: “Why can’t I just follow through like a normal person?”

Here’s the truth: you’re not lazy, disorganized, or broken. You’re overfunctioning on the surface, while your nervous system is screaming for relief underneath. The problem isn’t your system. It’s the shame loop wrapped around it.

What breaks the loop?
Not a better planner.
Not a “body doubling” app.
A space where your nervous system gets to exhale—therapy that helps you feel safe being imperfect.

Readiness Sign #4: You’ve already done the hard part: noticing something’s off

By now, we’ve talked a lot about the internal signs that you’re ready for therapy: the emotional exhaustion from high functioning, the desire in your bones to stop masking and performing, the self esteem annihilating loop of productivity hack failure. But sometimes, readiness shows up in your behavior—the quiet, seemingly small things you’re already doing that prove you're not just aware of the problem... you're actively reaching toward something better. Even if it’s clumsy. 

Here’s the good news: if you’re here reading this, you’ve already done the hardest part—admitting that the current way of doing things isn’t working. That awareness? That’s the beginning of everything.

Here’s how you’ll know that online therapy will be a huge success:

#1. You’ve started saving mental health posts instead of just liking them. 

You’re not scrolling past. You’re collecting. You’re curating your feed around healing instead of hustle. It might seem small—but that shift means your nervous system is craving something more sustainable.

Here are some of my favorite mental health feeds when I need a boost! 

#2. You’ve caught yourself saying “I don’t think I can keep doing this” more than once.

Not in a dramatic, fall-apart way— in those moments when you’re brushing your teeth or making your third cup of coffee, whispering to no one in particular: “This can’t be it.”

You’re starting to recognize that what you’ve been calling “fine” is actually functioning under pressure. White knuckling. And that’s a bigger step than you’ll give yourself credit for.  

It can be tricky to remember difficult moments, especially if you have high functioning ADHD. Your internal manager Ctl+Alt+Deletes that ASAP. So if you’re not quite there yet but you know you’re not feeling good, try this:

• Spend a day tracking every time you think “I should be able to…” or “I just need to get it together…” 

• Ask yourself if you’re getting all the self care you need (enough sleep, food, water, and exercise), and why it’s difficult for you to do it consistently. 

• Grab an Emotion Wheel (this one’s my fave!) and just start putting a tick by the feelings you have throughout the day. Check in during meal times and at the start and end of the day, and see where you’re spending most of your time. 

• Remember - you don’t have to wait for rock bottom to qualify for support

#3. You’re setting up little systems to care for yourself, even if they’re inconsistent

Maybe you’ve added a 5-minute walk after work. Maybe you keep a water bottle in every room. Maybe you’ve got a journal with just one page written in.

These aren’t failures. These are breadcrumbs—evidence that your body is already trying to tell you that it’s ready for something better. 

Therapy doesn’t replace those things - it gives those things a solid foundation of a healing nervous system and value-aligned beliefs. It helps you listen more closely to what these attempts are really pointing toward.

#4. You’ve started considering saying “no”, not because you had to but because you wanted to. 

Listen, the fastest diagnostic tool I have is this following question: Why did the perfectionist go to the party? 

Because they felt like they should. Not because they wanted to - they wanted to stay home, they wanted to call a friend, they wanted to have some alone time. But that nagging should had them in a strangle hold and pulled them all the way to the party. 

If you’re starting to question your immediate “yes” to things, then that’s a great sign you’re ready to figure out how to say no. Not just the words, although I’m great at helping you with those. But the self confidence and values that empower you to say yes or no. 

Readiness Sign #5: You already have a life - but you want it to feel like yours

Now, I can hear you saying, “Emilea, my life isn’t falling apart. I’m not THAT bad. Work’s good. Home’s okay. Sometimes I just feel… a little off.”
And you’re right.

But every perfectionist knows what it’s like to have it all together on the outside and feel disconnected on the inside.
There’s a difference between having a life… and living your life.

In session, I often hear:
“I don’t even know what I really want anymore.”

or:
“I can’t tell if I’m burned out or just boring now.”

It’s hard to hold both: everything is fine and everything doesn’t feel fine.
Especially when you’ve spent so long following the rules that you forgot what you actually like.

Moms who turn on Bluey but feel guilty it’s not a nature craft. Friends who love showing up for others but feel like a burden when they don’t have something to give. Leaders who want to be clear and kind, but replay every conversation wondering if they said too much—or not enough.

This is what therapy helps with.
Not because things are falling apart, but because you’re ready for them to finally line up—inside and out.

Here’s what you can do to prepare so you’re ready for the “I’m fine, maybe I don’t need this” moment.

1. Savor the good feelings.
   When something feels actually good, pause. Let your nervous system press the “save” button. A joyful moment isn’t frivolous—it’s data.

2. Try a body scan.
   Sometimes “I’m fine” is real. Sometimes it’s a clenched jaw, a bouncing knee, or a deep, buzzing tension. You can try this 4 minute body scan linked here, or just generally take stock of what’s happening in your body right now.

3. Reframe therapy as support, not surgery.
   It’s not just something to fix you when you break—it’s a tool to help you walk better through life now. Think physical therapy, not emergency room.

4. Look at the patterns beneath the surface.
   Things might be “fine” at work, but if your boss doesn’t listen… and your spouse doesn’t listen… and your kid doesn’t listen… something deeper is asking to be seen.

The goal isn’t to undo your life.
It’s to feel more at home in it.

And if you want to explore that in a way that includes your creative, crafty side?
I created Stitch by Stitch—a free guide to weaving healing into your nervous system, one project (and pun) at a time.

Click here to download your free guide to healing anxiety through knitting here!

Standing in between you and online therapy: The Doubt Edition

The biggest obstacle isn’t time or money—it’s the voice that whispers:
“Other people need this more than I do.”

What actually keeps most women from starting therapy isn’t logistics. It’s self-doubt. It’s discomfort with their own needs. It’s the fear that if they stop holding it all together, everything will fall apart.

Some of the most common thoughts I hear sound like this:

• “I’m the strong one—if I let myself be soft, I’ll unravel.”

• “I don’t need therapy—my sister’s a single mom. She needs therapy.”

• “My feelings get in the way of my goals. I just need a better plan.”

Sound familiar?

The best way to start clearing those doubts is to reflect on what you actually want—not just what you want to do on your dream day, but how you want to feel. What’s keeping you from feeling that way right now? Why does that version of life feel so far off—and so deeply desired?

If those questions feel tender, that’s okay.
Because here’s something I want you to remember:

Before you learned you had to perform to be loved…
Before the honor roll and the color-coded binders…
You were just a kid who genuinely liked learning. You liked solving problems for the fun of it. You liked being alive.

Therapy isn’t about erasing your strengths. It’s about reclaiming your joy.

We’re not taking away your drive or your ambition. We’re peeling back the layers of hustle and pressure until you can feel the part of you that just enjoys being here—in your body, in your relationships, in your life.

Because just like that curious five-year-old who loved blue whales and math...you don’t have to justify needing support.

You already deserve it. Let therapy be the place you remember that.

Standing in between you and online therapy: Real-Life Obstacles

Real-life obstacles are some of the most obvious challenges you’re going to face with starting online therapy. 

We’ve already covered common obstacles in this post, but you likely will have some challenges that are unique to your situation, resources, and schedule. 

Let’s be real—there are legitimate hurdles:

• You don’t want to go to an office and cry in a waiting room

• You’re busy and have a million tabs open—literally and mentally

• You’ve tried therapy before and it felt clinical, dry, or like being analyzed

Here’s what helps:

• Online therapy is private, flexible, and easy to access (especially in South Carolina)

• I offer somatic, emotion-first therapy that helps you regulate, not just analyze

• You’re allowed to bring your real self—including your crafting project, your iced coffee, and your planners

And remember, when you’re ready, you’re ready. 

If you find that you are procrastinating, you know that you’re not quite ready to start online therapy.  And that’s okay! Just keep setting the stage for it and you’ll get there.

Listen, if you have a daily to do list that MUST get checked before you can rest, but also know that’s a terrible way to live, so basically no matter what you’re always a little disappointed in yourself…. then you’re my people. I’m specially trained to harness the creative magic of your neurodivergence with the incredible work ethic of your hyperdrive, without the layers of judgment and shame.  

When you’re ready, let’s dive in [link to contact]

Bonus! Extra ways to get ready for online therapy 

Alright, overachiever. I see you’ve made it all the way to the bottom of this post on how to know if you’re ready, and you’d like to take on a little extra credit. Well… here you go!

Ways to Be Super Prepped for Online Therapy

• Start jotting down the moments you wish you had help processing. Could be in a special journal, or just the Notes app on your phone. 

• Give yourself permission to ask questions during your consult—about therapy style, neurodivergent support, anything

• Try journaling for 5 minutes about what you’d want a therapist to understand without you having to explain

• Create your own therapy space - bring something cozy, tissues, and something yummy to drink (non alcoholic of course). Even if you’re doing car therapy, make sure your car feels cozy, has a great air freshener, and an empty cup holder for some water. 

That’s a wrap!

I hope this post has helped clarify if you’re ready to begin online therapy for ADHD, perfectionism, and anxiety.  

If you're feeling a little overwhelmed, that’s totally normal. Remember that therapists are rooting for you.

You’re hiring someone to be on your team and make your life better. Sometimes the best way to begin is treating it like a job interview - find candidates via Therapy Den or PsychToday, set up interviews, ask your questions, and then make a decision that works for you. 

And if you’re in SC and feel seen… then I’d love to be considered for the position!